March 31, 2007
You callin me a liar?
Shortly after this meeting, Scranton mayor “Chrisnocchio” Doherty and city council president ”Judas” Gatelli conspired to violate citizens’ rights and severely compromise the entertainment value of public access television. How? I tink maybe youse guys need to wait fudda update.
March 5, 2007
Since most of our audience consists mainly of hard workin’ New Yorkas and Old-Bay-flava’d-drawling-dingleberry-journeymen-journalists, I thought I’d might fire off a brief report on Philadelphia’s current mayoral scorcher. This digest is mainly for the New Yorkers, whose own “elections” usually consist of hyper-qualified gentlemen plutocrats deferring endlessly to each other’s superior qualifications. For something slightly more kakistocratic,viz:
To get everybody up to speed: the above is a photograph of a “rally” held by Milton Street, recent mayoral entrant and brother of the current mayor. He’s more upset over the late violence than those candidates who don’t bring grisly props. First, Street welcomed everyone to ”Dilsworth Plaza”, an ignominious shitcovered cavern named after the talented Philadelphia reform mayor Richardson Dilworth. It is also the city’s official depository for irony. Oh fuck it, I feel like I’m losing Josh Stewart right now all this background:
Here’s a clip of the rally. Please take notes.
If you’re voting at home, other relevant information re: Milton Street-
–Milton Street–who with his brother, John–emerged from a racially-charged, radicalized 1960s-70s North Philadelphia politics (not justifying/just explaining), referred to mayoral candidate Michael Nutter as a ”watermelon man” referring, of course, to the 1970 film in which a white man gradually finds himself becoming black. Nutter responded by holding a press conference to urge the press to stop following Milton Street. Next week, Milton holds a revival: +2 Street, -1 Nutter.
–What Milton really can’t wrap his mind around is that his brother, John was right when he said “the brothers and sisters run this city.” Hopefully he’ll refer to candidate Dwight Evans as the Last King of Cop-Shotland sometime later this week.
–Milton Street has in the past month been charged with evading taxes on income he received as a ”consultant” to the airport (a patronage job). He has neglected to pay taxes on over 2 million dollars in “fees”. This is the same security-conscious airport where, for a hoot, Bryn Mawr College students try to smuggle in bags of confection sugar, are caught! and spend days in jail while the Philadelphia Police Department does extensive chemical testing to ascertain that it isn’t cocaine! Yo!
–Milt promised to drop out of the race if no less than 5,000 didn’t show up for his rally. He fell 4,800 short and is staying in.
More to come, Fuck the Mets, &c., &c.
